Rip it Up - Little Richard

And now for something entirely different:

Dear Acadia University;

You're a good school. I like you. I enjoy the profs that I've had; I enjoy the Dell laptops, even though most don't; I enjoyed the residence experience; for God's sake, I even looked forward to going to Meal Hall.

I am about to declare utter war on the administration.

First, your salaries. They've bagged more zeroes than an ugly football player at the Vil on a Friday night. For the most part, the administration at this school appears to have the same function as the Canadian Senate: justifying their own existence.

Secondly, the so-called 'Strategic Plan' - where the only strategy that appears to have been imposed is to embitter faculty and create imaginary 'centres', with no real explanation of exactly what they add to our campus.

Third, the moronic ideas about 'community values' that are taking away from real academia may impress the same idiots who think that moving to Fair Trade Coffee and having gas-giant and enviro-villian Irving build us an Environmental Science Centre makes us forward-thinking and community-friendly, when really all it means is that we get a huge building with leather freaking chairs and can charge an extra 50 cents for hot caffiene.

Fourth, increased and continued inefficiency! I understand that there's about to be a new position hired to have primary responsibility for the leadership and management of the residence life programme". Holy hellfuck, its almost like James Sanford's job! Oh! Wait! IT IS JAMES SANFORD'S JOB! So I have a great idea, why not just ensure he's doing it and NOT spend $90 000 more on another upper-class idiot who couldn't find their ass with an atlas (though I admit, that's actually pretty tough.)
Fourth, the second - I refer you to the Dean's List. If you have a rhesus monkey who's ever looked at Microsoft Excel's welcome screen then it takes 34 seconds to rank and display the students by marks in each faculty. Since all marks were due in fucking late April - more than am month ago - you now know who the top 5% are. Oh! And you said it'd be up in late May. Well - newsflash! It's June 1st. The last time I checked, we're still running the fucking 12 month calander where they don't mesh together into some kind of bureaucratic wetdream of ever-extending months and missed deadlines. So what do you do instead? Put up an explanation? Fire someone? Even an apology? Hell, I'd settle for a RECOGNITION and an evil laugh - but no, you just casually change the date to June 7 as if that's what it had always been.

Finally, you continue to act as if you've got students at heart while systematically neutralizing and demeaning them. I've sat on the fucking committees. I had the CHAIR of the committee nitpick at my grammar in open session, and fire petty personal insults. If I wanted THAT, I'd just hang out with Leah, Angela and Colin more and not give a damn about trying to help you remove the size 12 shoe you've stuck into your size 10 mouth with the Learning Commons.

You know what? That's it. Jihad on you. As one of my profs, and the Arrogant Worms, and even the Bloodhound Gang said, it's time to light U-Hall on fire and watch it burn down again. And I don't care if it's made of stone. Napalm works just fine.

Sincerely,
Chris Rivers
SRC Arts Rep
Official Admin Critic of the Ath (self-titled)