Blinded by Rainbows - The Rolling Stones

The song starts "Have you ever felt the pain... that he felt upon the cross?"

This picture shows a drop of water falling. Behind the drop, drops, however many, there's a rainbow. It's a gorgeous rainbow, soft and pale, and it's a rainbow that meant more to me than even I thought. It's a rainbow that I long to touch, a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end that I literally held for such a brief period of time, a rainbow that I followed to the end as best as I could. What makes it harder to look at is that it's a rainbow that washed over stormy skies and happy ones, a rainbow that was over every hill and around every corner.

And I wish I could be mature and manly and hell, I wish I could stop crying right now, but GODS DAMMIT I wish the rainbow would either have been something I could hold on to or something that would have just vanished with the first glimpses of strong sunlight or dark clouds. It's unfair of me, perhaps, to demand so much of something so complex - such an exquisite blend of light and beauty. Something that brings both the paramount and detrimount of emotion. All a rainbow is, in essence, is droplets of water reflecting colours back to the eye. It's so pretty and mesmerizing that so often, people will stop whatever they're doing just to stare at it and sit in wonder and awe.

Skittles exhorts me to 'Taste the Rainbow'. Well - hey Skittles - what happens when you taste the rainbow and find that you like the taste more than anything you've ever tasted before? When you find that to have more of the rainbow you'd stare at the clouds... stare at the sky... stare at the ceiling just praying for more, even though you now know that it's a rainbow for a reason, and that sometimes, you just can't have what you want.

And no matter what... you know that you still want to chase that rainbow, because the pot of gold is just so alluring, so tempting, but so out of reach.

What do you do when you have rainbows that sparkle out from behind your own eyes, blinded by tears and blinded by rainbows? And how do you be a big enough person to still, honestly, want to do whatever you can to make that rainbow shine even brighter, when with every ounce of your being you feel like you just can't overcome it?

Im breaking out of my life of metaphors for just one paragraph: if you know that someone has loved you, adored you, dreamed about you for years, why would you dangle something in front of them that they can't have, only to jerk it back once they've just gotten a taste? Am I selfish for thinking that? Maybe. But it was 4:45am when I started writing this and it's almost 6:00am now, and if I've ever taken an hour fifteen to write this little before, I don't know when.